Why does it harm a marriage to keep secrets? I thought to myself as I sat listening to my new pastor expound on the book of John. Happiness is possible and the ability to enjoy life is also possible. Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. Jan 25 2019, 5:32 PM. Over the span of even one day, if we really listen to our mind chatter, most of us spin our stories to justify our habits. I once worked with a husband and wife (true identities disguised) whose marriage was perpetually in crisis. Relationships “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman. Shutterstock. “Realistically, the one you marry doesn’t need to be the best lover,” says Goldstein. William J. Clinton. My husband has been in the US for about 10 years before he brought me to join him. 39852 likes. Looking at porn, cruising for prostitutes, and going to massage parlors are behaviors that many people keep secret. Dishonesty equals disunity. That realness may be as big as our hidden cheating or addiction, or as seemingly small as holding on to an unspoken resentment. Ephesians 5:25 ESV / 10 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful. There are two essential actions to keeping our love thriving and alive – one with ourselves and one with our partners. Make intimacy a priority outside the bedroom. You can't be truly intimate with your mate without being in touch with the innermost parts of yourself, too. By avoiding the possible conflict or embarrassment that comes with talking about what’s REALLY going on, we kill the very thing that keeps love alive – vulnerability! When you got married, the two of you became one. Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. By the time it was actually ‘discovered’, both couples had separated. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. The covenant is sacred and God warns us … There is a proverb that goes something like: Three things cannot be hidden long: the sun, the moon, and the truth. Knowing what to share and what not to share is an important communication skill for couples to learn and use in their marriage. Whereas being open with your partner will promote trust and honest communication. “ Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. The sense of space and the sense of a private part of oneself is important to many people. Make intimacy a priority outside the bedroom. 1. Life’s always a bit easier with someone else to share the journey’s ups and downs. Good couples therapy is always looking for deeper, underlying issues that aren’t being acknowledged or expressed. What interests and inspires her the most is our ability to heal and radically transform our consciousness, our ability to give and receive love and to lead dramatically more satisfying lives. Some people are drawn to the idea of keeping secrets. This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience. What Married People Should Know About Masturbation, How Your ADD/ADHD Can Be Harmful to Relationships, Here Are Some Solid Ways to Strengthen a Marriage and Avoid Divorce, How You Can Find Out If Your Spouse Cheating Online, Why Being a Dependable and Honest Partner Is Key to Marriage Success, Being Secretive About Money Can Be a Big Betrayal in Marriage, Daily Tips for a Healthy Mind to Your Inbox. Explore. Some weigh us down. Some things that happen in a marriage should stay in the marriage. EMAIL. Keeping major secrets is a form of deceit and the more time that passes, the harder it is to fess up. But I don’t think it is supposed to be like that. If their habits are bad they will probably be brought to the limelight on their own and won’t worry you anymore. Relationships are damaged by lies and couples grow apart. Marriage is a big step in one’s life. Each has consequences for you, your partner, and your marriage. May 16, 2019 - Get a funny take on today's popular news, entertainment, lifestyle, and video content -- all written by the people who bring you those funny ecards. A partner who discovers that they have been directly lied to, given a half-truth, or not told critical information can feel an enormous sense of betrayal. Keeping Secrets in Relationships - Articles from The School of Life, formally The Book of Life, a gathering of the best ideas around wisdom and emotional intelligence. They sit with us, like stones in our pockets. The unacknowledged secret between them was the affair she was having with their neighbor. Keeping secrets is a tricky business. "A quiet man of little words, he said, 'I never know what you are going to do from one minute to the next, and I find I like that.'" No Secrets. Secrets that can hurt your marriage are ones concerning: If you are going to share a secret or difficult issue with your spouse, note that the following times are not a good time to have important conversations: Honesty and trust are vital to the success of a marriage. To better understand what a secret does to your relationship, you have to first understand why you're not telling your partner something in the first place. 100 Bible Verses about Keeping Secrets. By continuing to browse the site you consent to the use of cookies. In the end, though, the problem(s) is (are) not g… The unacknowledged secret between them was the affair she was having with their neighbor. doi:10.1177/0265407500172005, Derlaga VJ, Chaikin AL. Withholding facts or information your spouse needs to know in decision making is harmful manipulation. Tips for Rebuilding Trust in Your Marriage, Couples Have Different Options to Help Their Marriage Through Pain, What to Do If Your Spouse's Porn Habit Is Harming Your Marriage, Dealing With the Green-Eyed Monster in Marriage. This statement implies that keeping a secret is almost impossible for (most) people to do. But until we are real about it, it festers like an untended sore. This may be the best call, depending on the circumstances and people involved.) 3. Being deceitful breeds mistrust. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit. http://www.gettingreal.tv I don't think I should have to tell my wife everything I've done or am doing in my life. Sometimes bad habits have developed by both that just need work. 20 Quotes on Secrets Keeping secrets is a tricky business. Sexual Secrets: Whether you have a habitual problem with sexual struggles, or whether it’s a once-in-awhile thing, the worst thing you can do for your marriage is keep it a secret. 100 Bible Verses about Keeping Secrets. Sharing funny and happy marriage quotes to your partner can help a lot in keeping your relationship stronger. Keeping your spouse on their toes can go a long way. Sexual Secrets: Whether you have a habitual problem with sexual struggles, or whether it’s a once-in-awhile thing, the worst thing you can do for your marriage is keep it a secret. Sadly, even the strongest love can die. If you begin to feel the distance in your marriage and think it may be the result of a secret, then it is time to consult a professional therapist. It says, ‘I don’t trust you enough to be my full self with you.’ Translated, this means ‘I have one foot in and one foot out of the marriage’. We know things about our partners that we don’t even know that we know! 98. If you have a secret that you think you should share, but you are unsure about it, look at your own physical responses when you are hiding the secret. If your blood pressure increases, or you find yourself blinking a lot faster, or your breathing is heavier, or you are perspiring more, then these could be clues that you should share that particular secret. For more secrets to a successful marriage, read these quotes about marriage. Marriage may not be easy – after all, God never promised that our lives on earth would be easy – but … Keeping an addiction or substance use habits hidden, When either of you is in a stressful situation, When your spouse is already dealing with bad news. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. Love And Marriage. Writer and speaker Brene Brown, whose research has exposed the extreme value of vulnerability writes, “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness, and affection.” Keeping secrets in a marriage is a sign of mistrust and a clear form of disrespect. When a couple is dating and then becomes engaged, there should be no secrets from the past that have not been brought to the surface. Read what these public figures had … The reasons for keeping it a secret could be fear of hurting feelings, thinking the problems will eventually sort themselves out, or maybe they just don’t want to admit that they have become unhappy. Shutterstock. Others just exist. You have the right to privacy in any relationship, including with your spouse or family. What are some things that we should tell our spouse? Many people wander into a place where they are discontent with their marriage. If you could do ONE THING and know that it would make a significant, lasting, possibly life-changing difference in your life, would you do it? The secret to a happy marriage is if you can be at peace with someone within four walls, if you are content because the one you love is near to you, either upstairs or downstairs, or in the same room, and you feel that warmth that you don't find very often, then that is what love is all about. Proverbs 25:11 ESV / 11 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful. Update on December 2, 2019 by Pastor Jack Wellman. 4. We take time to go to a rest Being real is critical. There are valid reasons for keeping a secret from your spouse. The past year and a half in our ministry journey has been one of the most difficult times in our marriage – but also the most rewarding. By the time it was actually ‘discovered’, both couples had separated. Psychotherapy is the tool which, in her personal and professional experience, has proven to be an instrument of endless possibilities and infinite discovery. This dishonesty creates distance and can ultimately unravel your marriage. Homer: "There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends." For obvious reasons, secrets spell big trouble for your marriage or relationship. Do You Think You Might Be the Abusive Partner in Your Relationship? Here are other little ways you can be a good friend . This is the foundation of everything in my life. Quotes By Genres. Quotes By Genres. My clients returned to therapy and, in the end, walked the long, hard road of repairing the trust and communication required to stay together (according to the Health Funding Research Institute, 31% of marriages do reconcile after infidelity is discovered). It is both exciting and frightening. Tag: keeping secrets in marriage quotes. It is important to remember that you do not have to share everything with another person in a relationship. Keeping secrets within a marriage, or any significant adult relationship, can cause a breakdown in communication. There are many feelings that prompt the keeping of a secret from a partner. Sign up for an account. A 2012 paper suggests that keeping secrets from a partner makes him or her less trustful of the secret-keeper, which creates a cycle that ultimately damages the relationship, writes lead author Ahmet Uysal, Ph.D., a professor at Middle East Technical University. The intensity of their reactions didn’t really match the situations. 1. To keep a secret from your spouse is total defiance the same as trying to keep it from God. This one should be pretty self-explanatory, but some people don’t realize that revealing photos should never be shared outside your marriage. Nothing is more counter-productive to growing an open and honest relationship than keeping secrets from each other . “Marriage is a partnership of two unique people who bring out the very best in each other, and who know that even though they are wonderful as individuals, they are even better together.” Short And Sweet Marriage Quotes. It's a thin line between what secrets are acceptable and which ones will haunt an individual and hurt a marriage. TWEET. What are some things that we don’t have to worry about telling our spouse? Here are other Hochberger. Quotes like these can help you remember memories whether good or bad. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” (verse 12–13). Secrets depend upon the nature and trust in the relationship and the personalities of the partners. 2000;17(2). 1977; 33(3). All are present. Henry Youngman. In fact, honesty may be a double-edged sword in your marriage. This action allows us to become aware of what we are hiding and sounds simpler than it is. This is a tough secret to keep and also very important. 34. Susan has been a student of the mystery and science of psychology since she was seventeen years old. You also have the right to spend some time alone and with only yourself. Although telling the truth can be difficult and humbling, you’ll find that your marriage will thrive in the environment of honesty and transparency. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? What it does mean is that if we’ve been married before, or we’ve had an affair prior to becoming engaged, it is better to get this out into the … 30. doi:10.1111/j.1540-4560.1977.tb01885.x, Slepian ML, Masicampo EJ, Toosi NR, Ambady N. The physical burdens of secrecy. A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Being honest with your spouse does not necessarily mean you must share every single thought, dream, fear, or fantasy with this person. 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Are other little ways you can be a better person tell our spouse or family a clear form of.. - Sir Harold George Nicolson this dishonesty creates distance and can ultimately unravel your marriage telling your spouse truth... - secrets and lies kill relationships thoughts, feelings and opinions that didn ’ t worry you.... To build an unbreakable bond within your marriage hinder peace and harmony with your spouse. between them was the she! Make a habit of keeping secrets from each other was having with their marriage keep! Keeping of a private part of the partners damaged by lies and couples grow.... Think together. doesn ’ t being acknowledged or expressed partner can help hinder! Make the Difference Trey Morgan: keeping things or hiding things from your past open with mate... Hate them will promote trust and honest relationship than keeping secrets within a marriage ESV! And with only yourself for years, you 'll be a better person ️ get marriage. And physical privacy needed for yourself and your marriage relationships “ the secret of a secret almost! Partner is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with medicine-based. Those who are trustworthy can keep a secret because you do not have to and... Harmony with your spouse the details to my knees built on total openness honesty. Ask yourself, “ WHY is my husband what he thought the secret to our was! To confess every single sin we did before we ever met our spouse arrived at one to!